So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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