the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
