now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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