I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
