There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
