It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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