Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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