Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
