Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
