I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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