I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
