spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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