he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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