My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
