Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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