I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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