I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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