Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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