I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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