Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Houston, we have a blender
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
