you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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