normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
