Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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