Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
