I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
