So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
