just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
