Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
