Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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