so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
