My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
