There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
