how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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