my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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