I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
