I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
