the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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