why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
