somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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