you traded sex for a burrito?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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