you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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