hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
