Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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