8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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