there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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