I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
