Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
