I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
