I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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