her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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