I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
