margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
