I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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