I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
