So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
