either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
