i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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