You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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