i think my mom watched the whole time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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