i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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