Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
