its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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