all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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