Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
