I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
